Greetings dear readers, I hope everyone is in good health and good spirits! As has slowly become my trend over the summer, I’m a little late with my reading review. I could shift blame towards being more busy and struggling with the unique challenge of reviewing these books in poetic form, but honestly I have just lacked motivation. However, I pushing through and attempting to review the Artemis Fowl series, by Eoin Colfer, in poetic form. Enjoy (and spoilers ahead)!
Book 1- Artemis Fowl:
Missing father and grieving mother leads genius boy
To devise a devious mythical ploy.
To capture a fairy and demand their gold,
And so enlists the faithful Butler, so bold.
The elf Holly, running her magic low,
Goes to Ireland for a ritual slow.
Lands into the young boy’s trap
And with a dart hit, takes a nap.
Now Artemis, having studied and planned,
Will find his house surrounded and he out-manned.
His clever brain devises a perfect solution
To test Commander Root and Tech Foaly’s constitution.
The full force of LEP might and power
Leads to a decision in the final hour.
For Artemis and friends to survive,
They must trust their safety to sleep’s deep dive.
This devious plan succeeds and wins the gold,
For Artemis was too smart and acted so bold.
With some treasure a wish is paid for,
To restore his mother to her joy before.
Book 2- Artemis Fowl and the Arctic Incident
Genius boy with his new treasure of fairy gold
Searches for a father lost in a land so cold.
While in the lands deep underground,
Signs of dangerous goblin activity are found.
Artemis is wrongfully accused of aiding the goblin’s plot,
But innocence is proven his help becomes needed a lot.
The group investigates a French private eye
But the trail turns cold as the man was mesmerized to lie.
Into the cold they go to search for Artemis’ father,
But a goblin ambush nearly turns them into lather.
Discovering their fairy weaponry disabled,
Their adversaries, the disgraced Cudgeon and pixie Koboi, now labeled.
In order to break into the Koboi laboratory and stop this coup,
The group tracks down the dwarf thief Diggums, who to LA flew.
His knowledge and tunneling skill would prove useful all throughout,
As the laboratory is full of goblins lurking and plasma cannons hidden about.
The plot is foiled when co-conspirators are set against each other,
Revealing betrayal and leading to Cudgeon dead and Koboi no bother.
And as one final trick to win the day,
Artemis and friends rescue his father under the pretense to slay.
Book 3- Artemis Fowl and the Eternity Code
Genius boy thinking himself too clever and bold,
Attempts to blackmail a blackguard businessman so cold.
But in revealing an invention of awesome power,
places himself and Butler into the direst hour.
With Butler near death and LEP on high alert,
Artemis enlists Holly as Butler’s healing expert.
Together they are tasked with stopping Spiro’s goal,
To hack the Cube and unravel its code whole.
A pair of mob goons are enlisted to kidnap the boy,
Yet one is Diggums running another ploy.
Through permission from Root with a mind-wipe compromise,
The group sets out to retrieve the Cube from a Chicago high-rise.
Ultimately the heist succeeds with Artemis’ keen wit,
To trick Spiro into a true crime commit.
With stealth and cunning the Cube is saved,
Yet only a road of forgetfulness will be paved.
Artemis, Butler, and Juliet must submit to the mind wipe,
A relinquishing of their fairy memories with a swipe.
Yet Artemis has a final ruse up his sleeve,
And Mulch Diggums a golden medallion to receive.
Book 4- Artemis Fowl and the Opal Deception
Maniacal pixie under lock and key deep in slumber,
But foresight enables two helpers to lumber,
And perform a switch without evidence,
That leaves no clues that make much sense.
Holly and Root are off chasing a goblin on the lam,
Only to be trapped in a chute about to kablam.
Holly makes an impossible decision,
And fires a fateful shot with dread precision.
Artemis and Butler steal a painting of great worth,
And narrowly escape a missile fired from beneath the earth.
Although a mind wipe had removed his knowledge of fairy kind,
Artemis helps Holly attempt to change the LEP’s frame of mind.
A narrow escape from enraged trolls hidden away,
And a gold medallion to unlock memories that deep down lay.
Now the plot to reveal the land of fairy-kind to stop,
With an ingenious human probe diving deep into the earth like a top.
The bonded four must overcome the odds and fight,
To stop the pixie’s plot and make all right.
And in the last desperate seconds when hope is nearly gone,
Artemis proves too smart and Opal ensures her defeat with prideful tone.
I hope everyone got the gist of each story from my literary rambling of poetic form, and I tried to avoid major spoilers as much as possible. Stay tuned for the second part of this review of the Artemis Fowl books, hopefully to be released sometime this weekend. Cheers!
S.D.G.
Stuck in Translation 