This is for Everyone I Call(ed) “Friend”

To All Those Friends I Left Behind or Lost Touch With:

I’m sorry. Really, I am. And honestly, I miss you. I always valued our friendship, even if I was never able to put it into words. Now I cannot be sure if life just drew us apart or if I pushed you away or if we just kinda stopped hanging out but whatever the cause I won’t forget about you. And who knows, maybe someday soon I’ll reach out. But if you ever do think of me, my door (and inbox) is always open.


To All Those Friends Who Survived The Years:

Thank you. It is because of you I still have friends. If I were left to my own devices, I’d probably be a hermit living in a self-sustaining environment with modern commodities. But you welcomed me back, even after years apart, because you took the time to get to know me. I know I always have a listening ear available and do not be surprised if I make use of that aspect of our friendship at random times. You are the community I needed when I was at my worst and because of you I was able to survive the ups and downs of my adult life thus far. I probably won’t say “thank you” to you in person, but a day doesn’t go by that I don’t think about it.


To The Friends That Raised Me:

Or in other words, my family. You were the greatest human force of change and formation in my life. Because of the lessons you taught me throughout the years, I am who I am now. You are privilege to my idiosyncrasies like no other, and more often than not you’ll know what I’m thinking before I can put it into words. And more often than not, I won’t have to because you already know how I feel. You have been a massive blessing and I hope I can (and did) return the favor.


To The Friends Who Are More Like Acquaintances:

I hate you. And I love you. And most of the time, I think it’s both at the same time. Seriously, I’m not really sure if I put more effort into getting to know you by spending time together or just let you disappear into the Twilight Zone of acquaintances. I might say I don’t care how long it takes you to answer if I text you, but it sure as hell bothers me when you only decide to answer one text, and not the rest, or (worse yet!) when you only answer that one message that wasn’t even a question. It wrecks my brain conceptualizing all of the possibilities of whether or not you are ignoring me, are just busy, or forgot to reply. Or worse, that I’m annoying you! The uncertainty about our friendship drives me crazy, and this can lead me to do some really stupid things because, let’s face it, when my emotions take the reins dumb %#!& happens. Just tell me if I’m worthy of being your friend, it’s really all I want (and need) to know.


To My Gamer Buddies and Facebook Friends:

You are a special breed, truly you are. Though our interactions may have been purely across the internet, and we probably never met in person, you respected me for who I was and never thought to point out what I wasn’t. I cherish the voice chats and instant messages leading late into the night. I remember the secrets I felt I could tell you when I had no other person in my social circle I felt I could tell. I remember how our relationship was built on a common interest and basically founded on having fun together, making me feel less stressed about trying to be friendly. Because of you, I realized much about myself, even when I wasn’t looking for answers about who I was and what I was capable of. You trusted me to lead when I was only doing what came naturally and you understood when I couldn’t be there because real life beckoned. I never once considered our friendship invalid because we weren’t able to meet physically, not once.


To The Friend I Have Not Yet Made:

You will make me laugh and at least once you’ll probably see me cry. I’ll probably talk about soccer at least once every time we see each other and I might even let you convince me I’m wrong about something ever once and a while. You will learn I’m a total dork, a clown, a nerd, a punk, a scholar, and a gentleman; but most of all, you will learn I would defend you to my last ounce of strength. You might discover I can bake a mean batch of cookies or that I know way too many random facts of trivia or that I’m so competitive I might lose on purpose to preserve our friendship. And most of all, I hope you learn that despite my calm exterior and nonchalant behavior, I constantly wonder what I did to make you like me and there isn’t a day coming when I won’t value you more highly than I do myself.







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Filed under Musings of a Meek Maniac

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