Just felt like necro’ing some poems I wrote back in my younger days and perhaps introducing them to a new audience. Enjoy if you will…
I can’t stop myself now,
It happens too naturally;
I find myself tripping again,
It won’t leave me alone;
I do it not for pleasure,
It is mostly for the pain:
I used it to unleash fear,
It only made me more afraid;
I am losing another battle today,
It is the endless war of addiction.
Ahead lies the future
And with it the answers,
To so many questions
But with so much change.
Do you see the future?
Do you know where it shall lead?
If you do please tell me,
I beg, I wish, I plead.
Hope is ahead
For you and for me
But is that together
Or very much separately?
I wish I had the answer
But this will do.
I care too much to lose you
And change where the future led
Because forever we will look ahead.
This miserable state I’m in,
It’s just all too familiar;
I’m lost trying to begin,
The process of finding myself;
The inner chaos,
The outward pain;
I’m learning the truth,
It’s becoming plain;
The only way to escape,
Is to lose myself now;
God please help me,
Because I don’t know how.
Each new try gets me closer,
Yet every failure sinks me deeper.
I strive for perfection,
That paradise of equilibrium with You;
Pride and greed are my handholds.
I climb on the backs of those who care,
Only to break my own when I fall.
But those who I’ve stepped on,
Prove true and help me to my feet;
I ask for forgiveness,
Not willing to give up;
And learn to accept a failure,
For the price of succeeding in You
An eternity away
Yet right here always
A friend is close
Even when eons apart
For a good friend
Gives comfort from a distance
And causes joy when nearby
Only friends can share
A special bond that lasts…
I saw what I really am
But was trapped in what I’m not
Yesterday, today, tomorrow
Always changing yet never different
I lost myself in unusual things
But somehow found myself again
Trials I have failed
Problems I have rejected
Friends I have left behind
Kindness I have withheld
Anger I have practiced
And a sinner I have become
But when I fell exhausted
You lifted me back up
And now forever I may live on.
My life is a proverbial handshake,
Being jerked up and down;
You might smile and wave,
But I glare and frown.
I’ll laugh one moment,
And yell the next;
Look into my eyes,
See past the context.
Remember I’m tormented,
Just forgive and forget;
I pray it all ends,
Without painful regret.
I stubbornly hide my emotions,
I painfully cover my fears.
I repress my happiness too often,
I readily shy away from laughter.
Only I have to see what you don’t,
And I try hard to keep it that way.
But at the end of every day,
I remove that hollow expression;
And place it on the endless wall,
Next to the rest of my countless masks.
It’s just another sunny day,
Another chance at happiness.
I try to be happy in a different way,
A strange method of peace;
It’s hidden and hard to discover.
I live like there’s no tomorrow.
But when failure is hard to cover,
I smile and act like it’s alright.
But do you see the tears,
Hidden behind the smile?
Can you see those past years,
That teach to smile on sadness?
My eyes are the link to my soul,
But can you see what lies inside?
Do you know the feelings I hide?
Do you see all of…
The pain, joy, fear, and shame?
Have you touched what is deep down?
The frustration, longing, hope, and despair.
Do you see what I really am?
Can you be who you are inside me?
Have you looked into my eyes and known?
No, of course not.
But I can see into you and have seen…
That deep down you are just like me.
The words on the wind,
The pleas in a dark room.
Do we listen or just ignore them?
Will you stop and find the source?
Is life too short to listen?
Or are you too busy talking?
Stop and listen to the cry,
The unheard have spoken;
The words they try to speak,
Will change a listening world.
I took some time to wonder:
Why does God show grace?
We stumble then ask for forgiveness,
And we are given another chance.
Why don’t we get what we deserve?
Why does God withhold his judgment?
But then I realized, maybe…
We do get what we deserve.
We call it life, tortured and lost.
So life really is fair with all of its pains.
But the beauty of grace…
Is that it makes life not fair.